Monday, Monday

 Before I start this, I want to apologize for my flight of ideas.  If some of this seems to be off the wall and not make sense, its because my mind just won't quit coming up with stuff!
Today is Monday, like Monday for some reason, always have.  Think its because when the kids and I  were younger they would be back in school and I could get the house in order. 
Forgot to put the year I was diagnosed, I had my surgery right before Easter in 2008.  Still have a hard time with the change my life has taken, never in my wildest dreams did I think this would happen.  I was a long time smoker so I thought for sure it would be lung cancer not kidney cancer, who'd a thunk it!
I will say that I have met so many great people by having this stupid thing, they are a bright light at the end of this dismal tunnel.  I think the hardest thing is living with the changes in my body, the lack of energy and facing the unknown.  This is where a strong faith and positive thinking come in to play, thank God for that gift!
Went to see the movie based on Norman Vincent Peale's life when I was about 12 or 13, it was pretty good, guess it was important because it always stayed with me and now is a lifeline to sanity.  The girl I went to the movies with at the time was my friend Barbara, she was diagnosed with lung cancer in December of 2008.  She had a seizure right before Christmas, the cancer had metastasized to her brain already, very aggressive.  She passed away in February of this year.  We had known each other from the time we were in first grade, long time to stay in touch with someone.   Anyway, the point is, that now I will always say a prayer for her everyday when I read Norman's great words. She will be with me always.
So I use Norman, and my One Day At A Time book from Alanon (another life saver). They can get me feeling better in a few minutes.
Yesterday started out pretty crappy, woke up to a broken heater...great!  Tried starting the gas fireplace and it wouldn't work either...double great!  It was 60 degrees in the downstairs,there is a separate heater for upstairs that worked just fine.  We use Coastline which is run by someone I worked with at the hospital (long story for another time), they came out right away and found the problem:  the blower.  Wonderful Ed took it back to the shop and before we knew it we had heat.  In the meantime, I had already went to daughter's get together and left my husband there to deal with it.  The day ended on a good note!
Next time maybe will write about the wonderful people who are helping me through this, they are amazing and I learn so much from them.

Sit down and listen

So, they say this is a good idea, so I'll try it.  Where to begin, I guess where my life turned upside down and has never been the same, I guess it never will be.  I am on a road that has been well traveled by many, and they are my companions in this new journey through cancerland.
I remember the Dr calling my house right after I came in from having an ultrasound of my abdomen.  This ultrasound was ordered many months before I actually had it done.  It was to get a baseline view of my aorta because my Mom had an aneurysm. Of course I didn't think it was important so....I put it off, until I actually had to go see him and I knew he would want the test results.
His voice was so concerned, he told me to sit down,  they had called immediately to tell him that I had a large mass on my  left kidney.  His first question, "Didn't you have back pain",  my response was a simple one, all RN's have back pain.
The next month was a blur, testing, Dr visits, specialists etc.  In the end I was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma, stage 3, grade 2.   Signed up for the ASSURE trial, testing drugs to do research (so very important!) and dealing with a total life change.
This is my journey and I guess the Good Lord thinks I can deal with it, so I do, not very well sometimes, but I am doing it.