Boy do I have a lot to say!!!

I haven't written anything in quite a bit, oh well, time to start is now.  Where to start is the question.  Let's travel back to March, that is the beginning of most of this and what a beginning it was. 
We decided it was time to get healthy, I was feeling better, learning a great deal about nutrition and the changes it can make in your immune system, so time to start. We decided to try Medifast, a pretty cut and dry way to lose weight and feel better. I had about 30 or 40 lbs to lose, my husband about twice that much.  The food is not bad and the program is pretty healthy.  It is expensive and we knew we couldn't stay on this for the long haul.  Megan decided to join us and lose a few lbs herself.  Meg and I did it for about a month  and a half.  I dropped about 11 lbs and Megan did just as well.  She's younger and generally active so she can maintain the loss better than we old folk.  What happened in the short period of time was amazing. The focus on food changed, I especially saw how food is a compilation of nutrients that help us to function.  It was a start.  My husband continued to use the program for a few more weeks and we began to transition over to "real food".  Our meals were a lot different.
I have to admit that I have been on every diet imaginable,  my weight went up when I hit puberty and I didn't really lose anything until I was in nursing school, (sleep was more important than food).  I have been on the liquid protein, Weight Watchers, Atkins, pills, cabbage soup etc. etc.  Managed to keep my weight down, but it was always an uphill battle. Depressing and a most miserable way to live. Right before I found out about the kidney cancer my weight began to go up and no matter what I did, it just wouldn't go down, it wouldn't even stay the same.  The targeted therapy drugs helped in losing weight, thats because you feel like crap, sleep alot, have sores in your mouth and just get puffy.  When I finished with that, my weight just went up and up with no end in sight.  Didn't seem to matter what I did or didn't do, my metabolism is totally screwed up.
Anyway, my husband continued to lose weight with regular food and the shakes for snacks.  Megan continues to maintain a great weight and looks terrific.  The only one who continued to have a problem was me.  I had hit a plateau and nothing seemed to work. Time to do some research and find out what the heck the problem was.  So that is exactly what I did. My "chemo brain" was gone and I could actually read and retain the material, this was a Godsend!
So in the middle of the summer my darling, wonderful sister Arleen began to tell me about a man named T. Colin Campbell and book called the China Study.  I argued with her, didn't believe any of what the guy said and found a million and one reasons why he was nut!  I still bought the book and read it, reluctantly.  At the same time I read a book by David Scrivan-Schrieber all about Anticancer foods.  The Dr. had cancer and was a researcher, so I believed every word he said.  Needless to say, they were both on the same page.  I was still a big old skeptic and played devil's advocate every chance I got. 
During all of this I had started to do consulting work on nutrition and wellness. The more I got into this and studied the more all of this was coming together.
Arleen then told me about the Blue Zone and the Engine #2 diet.  So I went ahead and looked all this up...same stuff, only now I had met someone new by the name of Dr Esselstyn.  He fixed cardiacs, not your everyday. I have a little disease people, he worked with the worst cardiacs at The Cleveland clinic.  He helped them to stop their disease from progressing and in some instances reverse it.  He led me to Dean Ornish and Dr Linus Pauling.  Boy, oh boy was I changing my view of  the nutrition world.
I will write more on this journey, but as of today, Bill is down by 80lbs, and maintains that weight.  His new knees are functioning so much better and he feels great.  Megan and Maggie eat as healthy as they can in this new world. They eat a very well balanced diet, loaded with fruit and vegetables.  They have pizza, candy, ice pops, and other treats but not too often. 
Me, on the other hand, eat in a totally different way.  99% of the time I eat only fruits and vegetables, some whole grains and nuts.  That's it.  Building my immune system up and getting as healthy as I can.  I want to be around here for as long as I can.
More next time;  lots more to tell, eventually will catch up and just do an update for a few days...Lets see if I can keep this up..

Hills and Valleys

I haven't written anything for  quite awhile, was on a trip to the "valley" for a bit.  Trying to figure out if I really want to be a "blogger" and share all the downs with everyone.  It is so easy to be standing on the "hill", being positive and typing up the good things in life for the reader's enjoyment. But what about the hard days, the one's you want to hurry up and be gone, when you are holding it together by a thread, do you really want anyone to know about them?  Hmmmm......food for thought.
Finally realized that my trip to the nether world  had to do with the happy month of February and what it entails: The month for testing with a visit to the oncologist the 3rd of March.  Took a bit to figure it out, but that's ok in my world.
Now I am using every last one of my vast library of cliches.  The Serenity prayer, one day at a time, don't project into the future, and many other little bits of wisdom picked up here and there.
A very long time ago, the valley was described to me as a tunnel we dig.  The shovel is filled with would'ves, could'ves, should'ves, maybes, if onlys, what ifs and other self damning words.  Sometimes it takes a while before we look up and see a faint light.  That light helps us to climb out of the tunnel, sometimes the light does all the work, but out of the darkness we come.    I know what this means for me, everyone needs a light at the top of the hill, like a beacon to show us the way out of the valley.  Hopefully, you all have one.
Now before I get too sappy, I am feeling much better and have a good bit of energy right now, so I decided to write something.
As my dear old Dad used to say:  Pax et Bonum!

Monday, Monday

 Before I start this, I want to apologize for my flight of ideas.  If some of this seems to be off the wall and not make sense, its because my mind just won't quit coming up with stuff!
Today is Monday, like Monday for some reason, always have.  Think its because when the kids and I  were younger they would be back in school and I could get the house in order. 
Forgot to put the year I was diagnosed, I had my surgery right before Easter in 2008.  Still have a hard time with the change my life has taken, never in my wildest dreams did I think this would happen.  I was a long time smoker so I thought for sure it would be lung cancer not kidney cancer, who'd a thunk it!
I will say that I have met so many great people by having this stupid thing, they are a bright light at the end of this dismal tunnel.  I think the hardest thing is living with the changes in my body, the lack of energy and facing the unknown.  This is where a strong faith and positive thinking come in to play, thank God for that gift!
Went to see the movie based on Norman Vincent Peale's life when I was about 12 or 13, it was pretty good, guess it was important because it always stayed with me and now is a lifeline to sanity.  The girl I went to the movies with at the time was my friend Barbara, she was diagnosed with lung cancer in December of 2008.  She had a seizure right before Christmas, the cancer had metastasized to her brain already, very aggressive.  She passed away in February of this year.  We had known each other from the time we were in first grade, long time to stay in touch with someone.   Anyway, the point is, that now I will always say a prayer for her everyday when I read Norman's great words. She will be with me always.
So I use Norman, and my One Day At A Time book from Alanon (another life saver). They can get me feeling better in a few minutes.
Yesterday started out pretty crappy, woke up to a broken heater...great!  Tried starting the gas fireplace and it wouldn't work either...double great!  It was 60 degrees in the downstairs,there is a separate heater for upstairs that worked just fine.  We use Coastline which is run by someone I worked with at the hospital (long story for another time), they came out right away and found the problem:  the blower.  Wonderful Ed took it back to the shop and before we knew it we had heat.  In the meantime, I had already went to daughter's get together and left my husband there to deal with it.  The day ended on a good note!
Next time maybe will write about the wonderful people who are helping me through this, they are amazing and I learn so much from them.

Sit down and listen

So, they say this is a good idea, so I'll try it.  Where to begin, I guess where my life turned upside down and has never been the same, I guess it never will be.  I am on a road that has been well traveled by many, and they are my companions in this new journey through cancerland.
I remember the Dr calling my house right after I came in from having an ultrasound of my abdomen.  This ultrasound was ordered many months before I actually had it done.  It was to get a baseline view of my aorta because my Mom had an aneurysm. Of course I didn't think it was important so....I put it off, until I actually had to go see him and I knew he would want the test results.
His voice was so concerned, he told me to sit down,  they had called immediately to tell him that I had a large mass on my  left kidney.  His first question, "Didn't you have back pain",  my response was a simple one, all RN's have back pain.
The next month was a blur, testing, Dr visits, specialists etc.  In the end I was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma, stage 3, grade 2.   Signed up for the ASSURE trial, testing drugs to do research (so very important!) and dealing with a total life change.
This is my journey and I guess the Good Lord thinks I can deal with it, so I do, not very well sometimes, but I am doing it.